| Three months ago, I left home. I remember looking back at my room one last time as I turned off the lights, knowing that I wouldn’t be home for six months. And as the plane took off, I remember the unfamiliar sinking feeling, leaving behind the people that I’ve come to trust, respect, and love, and the place that I call home. Over the past three months, I’ve experienced things that I never experienced before, and I’ve learned things that TAS never taught me. I spent a month away from home, but with my parents. I spent a month on my own, living with another family. I’ve lived in college, learning to live on my own. I’ve shaken hands with more than 200, 300 people and truthfully, I don’t remember most of their names. In fact, I’ve come to instinctively forget names, because there really isn’t much use in trying to remember. I’ve learned to be unafraid of meeting new people, to engage them in conversation. And I’ve learned to become increasingly fake, learning to turn that smile and friendly voice on and off. I’ve learned to make friends, and to try to meet up with them, even on a busy day. But most importantly, I’ve also learned to be unafraid of being alone, walking the campus, in class, at the dining hall. Such is life, is it not, where you are an individual among other, alone in a crowded room? I’ve been stressed and overwhelmed with work. I’ve been completely lost in a class. I’ve made friends solely because I need help in a class. I’ve come to dislike doing what I used to love. I’ve withdrawn back into myself, into who I am, into my work, my room, my desk. They say that college is time for you to redefine who you are. Perhaps this has become who I am. I’ve stopped smiling, stopped reaching out. I’ve hid my true feelings from those I love. I’ve found my true friends, friends who care, friends who I turn to. I’ve spent over thirty-six hours on the phone in a month, sometimes standing outside in the cold at three in the morning. My friends are all around the world, all around the United States. They just aren’t next to me. It’s been three months since I was truly happy. It’s been three months since I was truly myself. And it’ll be another three months before I go home. I’ve gone through a lot since I left home. And it’s not over. I’ll live. I always have. |
